Saturday, April 25, 2009

Take Me To Floppytown!

I just had to do another post on playing music with a floppy drive. This time, I figured out how to do it with a PC floppy drive. I'll give you a hint: you can't use Windows to do this. Microsoft prefers to keep control of a PC's peripherals.


A bad Sony 3.5" floppy drive I ripped out of some PC.

Setting this thing up was simple. First, I installed the OS. Then I tried to install the driver which failed. Then I went and got a newer version of the OS and installed that. I then installed the driver. This was such a memorable experience, that I decided to take photographs (I was too lazy to look for a screen capture program). First, the usual info box:

Of course I just closed the readme file and clicked Finished...

Fucking bastard thing. I ran the driver again and left it for like 5 minutes because the readme file is LOOOONNG!

OK, I understand. Let's proceed...

OKAY, I GET IT! I'm about to fuck up my hardware. I KNOW! Let's proceed!


Holy motherfucking cocksucking goddam piece of shit software. By now, I'm ready to say 'fuck this' and throw the goddam computer against the wall and make a blog entry about that.

Okay, now I feel bad. Thanks alot Mr. Driver, now you make me want to uninstall you.

....naaah, I'll just give the floppy drive a respectful burial in my back yard out behind the trashcans.

After that long-ass installation, I experienced musical nirvana. Here's two video clips. I close-mic'ed it for clarity, and because the PC powering this thing was a bit noisy.

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Lemon From The Fugitives

Here's a great cassette I picked up for a buck. Now, when I say "great" I mean it's an interesting find. It doesn't necessarily mean the tape is worth listening to. It's called "The Fugitives - Country Favorites" and the group seems to be made up of mainly old people who are well on their way to wearing Depends Undergarments. Have a look at the album cover:

Imagine the art direction. Grandpa Jack got his son to do it on his computer, because Jack's son is good at things like that. "Hey, let's use a picture of Bob's old '82 station wagon for the album cover. Hmmmmm, would it be possible to paste a picture of the band in front? There, that looks very nice. Oh yeah, and up in the right hand corner, put in a picture of a lemon and write "FUGITIVES COUNTRY WESTERN" on it. Oh yeah, and remove that big liver spot from my forehead. That's very good Billy, we'll send that off to the printers."

The cassette was obviously recorded in a studio and semi-professionally copied; probably a run of 100 or so to sell at the old folks homes where they played.

Here's the track listing - errors inclusive. I've included two complete songs for your listening pleasure:

01) Except For Monday
02) Mothers Against Drunk Drivers
03) I Want To Dance With You
04) Somewhere Between
05) Working Man
06) Little Too Late
07) San Antone Rose
08) Bobby McGee
09) Do You Ever Think Of Me
10) Unabashably Blue
11) Old Country
12) Folsom Prison
13) Coat Of Many Colors
14) Tall Tall Trees
15) Why Me Lord

It seems that all of the members sing on the album. The others are decent, but the guy who sings the songs I've uploaded sounds like this retarded guy Jimmy who sings at the same karaoke bars I go to (and I'm actively working on getting a video of him, he's quite amusing!)

Anyway, if you happen to come across this album.... Well, you probably won't. Nevermind.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Classical Gas Emissions Gets A Makeover!

YES! Well, not really. I just added some shit to the side thing on the right. First of all, I added a news headline thingy. I'll update it whenever a remotely interesting thing happens with this blog, like the MTV thing. Oh, I didn't tell you about that? Well, I'll tell you soon enough. Don't worry, it's not really THAT exciting.

Oh yeah, and after two years of writing on this thing, I finally added a counter. I himmed and hawed over that one for a while and finally decided to do it. The reason why I hesitated is because I generally don't have any success with those damn counters. They usually get stuck at 001 for all eternity. If by some chance this one gets stuck at 001, I'll probably just leave it there and make fun of the one person who reads my blog (me). Oh yeah, and if you REALLY want to visit the sponsor to keep the counter free, there's a little tiny dot under the counter you can click on. I didn't want no fucking "Party Dating for Singles" bullshit on my blog. A small dot is just as effective since nobody clicks on those things anyway.

I also eliminated some of the garbage links on the side and I added a couple of different ones. Go visit those things when I'm in a writing lull. They'll do a good job of entertaining you.

Anyway, I've got a nice collection of crap to write about over the next little while. I won't tell you what it is since I'm never accurate with predictions about my blog.

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Miscarriage

Oh Brian. Stupid, stupid Brian. You could have chosen any woman in the world, but you had to choose her.

This is an answering machine tape I picked up for a nickel. It's unfortunate that there's only snippits of this argument on the tape rather than the whole thing, but I put them all together into one audio file.

From the way she rubs it in, I'm pretty sure she's lying about it. Have a listen for yourself by CLICKING HERE!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Scare Tactics Video: First Roadside Treasure of '09

Now that the snow is FINALLY melting, people will be cleaning their garages, having yard sales, and throwing shit away. Found this fantastic treasure in a box of videocassettes someone dumped.

These are a series of PSAs that aired in the mid-90s. They contain the aftermath of a scary car crash, death, disability, jail, and provide fun facts about how awful young drivers are. The first in the series got extremely heavy play during commercial breaks. Everyone in High School made fun of it or spontaneously acted it out (including myself). What's odd is I don't remember the last one, possibly because it was aired the least.

Anyway, for you Manitobans out there, here's a nice trip down memory lane. For those who aren't Manitobans, enjoy the both good and bad acting, and learning how Manitoba's youth generally behave behind the wheel.

Happy Easter!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

For Whom The Bell Tolls

Wow, three blog entries in three days! I must be finished posting on the Stephanie blog! :)

Back in 1997, I joined a new band who had a show scheduled in three weeks. The show was at an outdoor carnival put on by a local TV station, and it was a competition. We busted our ass and wrote 4 songs to perform (we only played three) and I must say we played them quite well. We took second place, losing to an all-girl cover band. Ever since then, I seem to have noticed that losing to women when it comes to performance competitions it fairly common. Let's face it, women have sweet, sexy voices and boobs which persuade EVERY male judge to vote highly for them.

Anyway, this band, Frozen Urine also competed. They had to change their name for this show to 'Frozen U' because after all, it was a kids' carnival. They also had to change the lyrics (and title) to one of their songs (Fuck You = Screw You) but they did a nice gesture by playing a heavy metal version of the alphabet song.

The people who hosted the carnival made it quite clear that we were to use THEIR gear in order to minimize downtime between bands. Their gear was crap and didn't function worth a shit. Frozen Urine break into an intermission song in the middle of "For Whom The Bell Tolls" while the drumset is being fixed.

Everyone who participated in the competition walked away with a t-shirt with a picture of a clown on it, which nobody ever wanted to be caught dead in. My shirt went up in my parents' house fire along with all the other shirts I kept as keepsakes from competitions I participated in (I had quite a few.)

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Uninteresting Trash

For the many nifty gems that I post on this blog, there are truckloads of trash that really don't make the cut. It's all stuff that's uninteresting, boring, or just plain stupid. Here's a few items that are so awful that they deserve a small mention...

Nils Ling - Half Truths

When I first came across this still-sealed tape, I figured it would be a blast listening to it! With song titles such as "Just Say No To Puppies" and "The Dress Party", it SHOULD promise to deliver entertainment for all!

Right after I put the tape in, on came some shitty Newfie fiddle Celtic music. I can't tell you how much I fucking hate Celtic ANYTHING. It makes Canadians appear as if they all live in a barn behind the bush, wearing red and black plaid EVERYTHING while eating snow drenched in maple syrup.

After the crappy music faded out, I sat there and listened to this guy tell a story about monsters in the closet or some shit. Then more Celtic music, then a story about cleaning the garage and feeding his kids motor oil in the living room. His voice is sickingly over-exaggerated which makes his stories even less funny. You know the way people talk in those cheesy B movies? Take away the motion picture and you're listening to one of those guys. I won't bother wasting bandwidth posting an audio clip of this guy because he's just not that interesting.

Rodney Dean - The Voices In My Head

This is another album with song titles that guaranteed to entertain. I'd never heard of Rodney Dean, but for two bucks I figured I'd take a gamble. This CD is filled with terrible unfunny parodies (Funky Cold Medina = Funky Skunky Smell) and really awful voice impersonations that nobody can identify. While somebody could take a bad impression of Don Cherry and make it funny, this guy only makes it equally as annoying as Don Cherry himself. And his impression of Mr. Mackie from South Park could only exist because he watched one and only one episode. His Mr. Burns from the Simpsons sounds like Mr. Bullwinkle from Rocky and Bullwinkle.

It happens so rarely that I feel embarassed for someone, but this CD manages to invoke that feeling repeatedly. And to think I could've used this $2 to buy a dull Backstreet Boys CD that would only piss me off instead of making me feel like an idiot for wasting my money.

That Thing At The Beginning of Dollarama Videos

Today I picked up three DVDs from Dollarama. Occasionally, I come across some interesting stuff there. I was happy to have found some episodes of The Littlest Hobo which was a 'family' program that I watched when I was a kid. So I popped the DVD in to watch an episode, and this PIECE OF SHIT sung by a guy who looks like that guy from Cypress Hill comes on the screen:

I generally enjoy patriotic and anti-war songs, but this is just fucking awful. The way Devon Scott Dicker sings, it sounds as if his creepy uncle is molesting him while he's in the recording studio.

Left: Devon Scott Dicker -- Right: Guy from Cypress Hill

Incidently, all three of the videos I bought have this awful song playing at the beginning. Feel free to comment on the video!

...and if you want to hear some GOOD anti-war songs, here's a few suggestions:
Rooster - Alice In Chains
Universal Soldier – Glen Campbell
Guns Of Brixton - The Clash
Eve Of Destruction - Barry McGuire

UPDATE: April 15, 2009

Here's a response from Rodney Dean!

Hey Ben,
I received a link about your blog regarding my CD "The Voices in My Head". I respect the right for you to speak your mind on things, and I'm sorry to hear that you feel you wasted $2 on my disk. Truth is, it was my first professionally recorded compliation back in 2001, and when I compare it to what I do now...well let's just say I can't listen to it anymore, good thing I only printed 1,000 copies. As far as my voices, I've been doing voiceovers professionally since then, and have done quite well with it. I've attached a recent impressions video, if you dare watch, or my direct website is
I've checked out a bit of your stuff, not bad. I will always support someone who is doing something they love, so Kudo's to you. Regardless how you feel towards me, I will continue to work on my craft, can't please everyone.
P.S. If you give me your address or paypal email, I'll gladly send you $2, so you can spend it on something worth while.
Rodney Dean

I'd be stupid to NOT take his $2!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Book Review: Playful Pussy

Here's another item from my childhood that I managed to save. I loved the hell out of this book, and you can understand why... the pages are full of a cute, adorable pussy!

I figured this book came out in the 1970s since it was my book in the 1980s and had someone else's name penned on the corner. I did a bit of digging on the publisher (Doeisha), and the book came from Japan and was published sometime between 1950 to sometime in the 1960s, so the book is much older than I thought. It also seems like I'm the only one in the world who owns a copy of this book, since couldn't find anyone else with a copy on the internet. Some of the other books in the "My Happy Book" series have prices on them ranging between 27 and 39 cents each.

The entire book has its cardboard pages held together by 25 year old masking tape, and has mould spots and warping from leaving it out in the rain when I was around 6 years old. Regardless, I still loved this book. Now, let's go to the land of Pussy!

As we've gone through our adventure with Pussy getting wet, indulging in fish, and becoming exhausted after all the fun, you can clearly see that Playful Pussy is a book that the whole family can enjoy. A clear 10/10 rating!