Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Junq Tour 2011: Brandon

Brandon is the wheat-picking capital of the world. It is also home to Brandon University where you can get educated and certified as a qualified wheat-picker. Brandon's thrift stores are always a hit or miss. This round was mostly a miss, but I did find a couple of things that weren't worth buying, but like the stupid dumbass that I am, I bought them anyway.

Kathy Bender - Can't You See God's Fingerprints?

After her previous album entitled "Can't You Smell God's Farts" was a total flop, Kathy ventured into a cave, recorded this album, and killed Goliath by boring him to death with this lousy music. There's nothing worth hearing on this album, so let's move on.

The Chuck Fulmore Trio - Happy!

There are a couple of typos on this album cover. It should be called "Crappy! The Fuck Chulmore Threesome" It's a dreadfully shitty Christian album with a ridiculous cover. I guess the Lord doesn't give Chuck a dental plan because those teeth are on par with my rotting leftover Halloween pumpkin. The younger woman is trying to camouflage in the field with her floral dress, and the old lady looks like a man with a bad wig. I'm really tired of buying boring Christian albums and reaping nothing for supporting the Lord's music. He could at least make these guys funny. Yet again, nothing good to be found here.

Hits a Go Go

Ah! We always get something good off an album from the Arc label. What surprised me about this one is they mentioned the artists who are performing on this poopy platter. We've got hit-makers such as Sam the Ham, Buddy, Buddy & Me, Jo Jo, Jay & The Juniors, and a bunch of other cream-chuggers. The quote on the back of the album says:

Hey Guys and Gals, - Let's have a go go party. Here are all the latest hits, in the original rendition, performed by some of America's greatest Nite-Club entertainers. They're great, and you'll love them. The beat is there and the original hit sound. All we need is you and some friends for a swingin' party. So grab this one and let's "move it".

Personally, if I want a "swingin' party", I'll listen to the song by The Replacements. If I wanted to "move it", I'll listen to the song by Great White. And no Arc, I don't love these shitty performers. They suck. Check out the harmonies on this atrocious recording:

Listen to "Catch Us If You Can"

Black's Photography DVD

I'd never seen one of these before. There were two of them at the thrift store, and at two bucks a pop, I wasn't going to risk buying two pieces of shit I didn't want. Turns out, this was probably the best find and I'm regretting not picking up the other one. This DVD contains someone's 8mm home movies made during the 1960s.

The following video is a collection of kids opening Christmas toys. I was able to pinpoint the second segment of the video being Christmas 1965 by identifying the Tonka Toy that the boy opens. The audio track is taken from "Christmas with The Chippers" which was released on our beloved (and ever-so-shitty) Arc label in 1963, giving this video some authentic for-the-time audio. This new soundtrack makes the film much more enjoyable (the old soundtrack was blank), and it includes The Chippers' atrocious and horribly abrasive version of "Jingle Bells"

With Christmas coming up, this video is sure to warm the hearts of all you old crunch-bags who remember 1965.

Just as a side note, I'm backed up quite badly with my Junq Tour entries and I haven't been in "writing mode" as of late. Therefore, I need to light a fire under my ass and hope I don't fart while getting the rest of my magnificent findings up for you to enjoy.

1 comment:

phoneyfresh said...

Wow, thanks for the sweet Christmas vid! My fave part is when that kid whips out that guitar and starts wailing on it with his sister banging on the drum in the background. The chippers ain't so bad, btw...