Monday, November 7, 2011

My Own Tunes

The stupidity is endless when I'm out garage sale shopping. Look at what I bought during the Summer:

17 cassettes that have essentially the same song on each of them with only the name changed on each. I ended up with two copies of "Sean". There's more in the series, and unfortunately the one with my name isn't in this batch. These were made by a company called "Kidselebration" and I remember seeing them sold in novelty shops back in the 90s.

I love the packaging. It boasts that there's 28 minutes of songs, but half of that is repeated because both sides are the same. That's like selling a CD boasting "68 Minutes of Iron Butterfly" with In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida repeated four times. Not only that, you get to hear your name 23 times. Now, is that 23 times during the entire 28 minutes, or 23 times non-repeated? It must be non-repeated because side one would then consist of saying your name 11 1/2 times. It might be difficult to do that with the name "Brett".

I suppose I could come out with a crappy song tape that says your name 26 times, then I could brag, "Hear your name three more times than the other leading brand!" I'd probably have to use different names like "Dweezil" and "Terri-Lynn" to avoid a lawsuit from Kidselebration.

For you idiots who happened to name your daughter Trevor, you're in luck because as the back of the box says, "the songs do not refer specifically to boys or girls, so names can work for either." On top of that, the "names are not spelled in the songs" so if you're like me and your parents fucked up the spelling of your name (I'm looking at you Reychalle) then you won't be crying because the stupid tape only spells your name wrong on the label.

The price tag on the back of these is marked at $8.99 each. I didn't even pay that much for the whole shot! Personally, I think $8.99 for 28 minutes of songs which is actually 14 minutes of songs is a rip-off.

The songs are awful, but I think that's expected when you look at the age range on the package and consider the name and gender neutrality that comes with it. Anyway, here's the first song on the Rachel tape. I personally don't have the tolerance (nor the time) to post the other crappy songs.

Listen to You'll Go Far (With Lots of Heart) ... The Rachel version

Update (Jan 8, 2012): Due to the large demand, I've turned all the cassettes into MP3s. They are available in the download section. If I find more of them out in the wild, I'll make them available. Feel free to post the direct links on Facebook! :)


H said...

Rachael loved this song and so did I! Any chance we'll hear something from the Nicole tape??

Anonymous said...

I hated these damn things, mostly because I have a less-common name that isn't always featured on "personalized" items. My name is Krista and somehow I'd always get gifts like a pencil with "Kris" or a shitty Christmas ornament with "Kristine" from someone as a last-minute dollar store gift. Lovely.

Swany Design said...

Oh my! Tonight I was randomly singing one of these songs and went on a hunt to see if I could find one. I didn't see it in the image but did you pick up a Sara tape? If so are you willing to sell it? I did see an Erica tape, which is my sisters name. Would you sell that one? Thank you for reading, hope to hear from you soon!

P.S. I'll check and see if you comment on this post.

Sara "Swany" Swan

Ben Century said...

Due to the outrageous demand, I've put all the tapes up in the download section. If anybody wants to buy the physical copy, I have no problem with selling them. My email address is available by clicking on my profile.

Unknown said...

I just rediscovered my Jason tape, although mine is the first tape from Kidselebration. It's blue and has my name printed on it in awesome 1980s typewriter font. You can listen to it at And yeah, the songs on them aren't out of this world great or anything, but my tape brought me tons of listening pleasure when I was younger. In my mind, that's what matters more than any musical review or in-depth criticism of the songs. Plus, it was one of the few things that allowed my dad and I to bond when I was little. Thanks for posting!

B. Baltimore Brown said...

I tried to access the downloads section but it does't seem to be loading for me. I would love to enjoy these audio treasures. The discovery of your blog made my day today.

Ben Century said...

Thanks for letting me know it wasn't working! I fixed it. Enjoy!

Molto Benny said...

Jason I've been searching for the "Thomas" version of the tape you found for months to try and get it for my brother before his upcoming wedding! The mp3s Ben posted here are awesome, and appreciated, but I know won't have the same effect on my brother as the opening notes of "who's that guy"!

If anyone knows the whereabouts, digital or otherwise, of a "Thomas" copy of the tape Jason posted please oh please let me know!!

Anonymous said...

Looking for the name Nicholas.

Anonymous said...

What is teeth brushing called? Can anyone post it please?