Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Junq Tour 2017: Portage La Prairie

This was the last, and one of the most uninteresting stops on the Junq Tour. I'm willing to bet that the best stuff in Portage La Prairie Thrift Store gets filtered out, leaving me with bland and uninteresting junk. However, I came out with a few things...

Corinna Kruger - Yodel of the Alps




Look at the lovely German girl with the German name in her German clothing playing a Japanese guitar. Those socks are fucking sexy.

Corinna is our second yodeling act from this Junq Tour, but she can yodel in German! She also wrote every single song on this tape, including "Die Zither". I have to ask, what did Zither do to Corinna that was so bad that she wishes death upon him? Doesn't she know how to forgive? There's songs on here wishing for Berge and Schone to die as well. Lots of death wishes in yodel form from the sexy sock girl!

Listen to Wir Lieben Die Berge


Making Melody Music CD




No artist, no track listing, and it was sealed in one of those CD envelopes. The only way to find out where this piece of shit came from was the website listed on the disc, which led me to The Golden Plains Baptist Church. Yay. I guess donations are pretty low considering they couldn't make a proper case for this ugly coaster, nor a track listing.

What a waste of money. And listen to this guy sing. He's not very good.

Listen to a song by some guy!


Da Yoopers - Camp Fever



Da Yoopers is a comedy team who made their living telling jokes about hunting, farting, and beer drinking. I have to admit that it's at least amusing! Surprisingly, this is NOT a Canadian album. It came from Michigan, but it could easily be mistaken for Canadian content. Apparently Da Yoopers released 13 albums which is more than most bands can hammer out in their entire career. However, I can't see a whole discography of beer and fart jokes being all that exciting, but I won't find out until I find the other 12 albums.

Listen to Talk Time


Krista Rey - Reflections



Krista starts off on a bad foot, because my name is not Verna, nor will it ever be. Also, the autograph brings no value to this crappy disc. I'm honestly pretty tired of all the Country music that came out of this Junq tour, but what the fuck was I expecting from the Christian Wheat Belt? Death metal? Punk? Hell, even an entire album of someone scratching their balls would have been more enjoyable.

Krista gives thanks to Cindi Cain, a Canadian country singer who's sister dated my cousin. Yup, I'm going to wear that one to boost my value as a human being.

These are all covers, and they're boring. Since "Suds in the Bucket" is the only song I really know on here, I'll share it with you. Personally, I like the version by that tone-deaf blind girl better.

Listen to Suds In The Bucket


Bert Wytinck - Off The Record



The inlay gives us a history of Bert's life. I don't know what the purpose of this is, because it doesn't make me excited to put this hunk of plastic into my CD player. We get songs about auctioneers, chairs, grandpas, and blue eyes crying in the rain. Why the hell does everyone cover blue eyes crying in the rain? I'm so sick of seeing it on these hack job musician's albums.

I have to give Bert credit for one thing. I nearly shit myself when the album showed up in the CDDB while I was extracting songs from it. Unfortunately, my copy contains the un-typo'ed version of "Hey Goog Lookin'"



Anyway, Bert's inability to play in time along with his soothing and boring renditions of these songs will have you sinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sorry... Narcolepsy has made itself evident as a side effect.

Listen to Grandpa


Unfortunately, we're ending this Junq Tour with a silent and mildly smelly fart as opposed to a loud flappy stinker. I literally had to quickly pick through a large assortment of garbage in the space of about 30 minutes because the damn thrift store closed a bit too early for my liking. I was fairly disappointed with their lack of interesting items for how large the store was.

But this Junq Tour isn't exactly at it's end. I'm in the middle of editing together video footage from the whole trip. I've found myself laughing my as off during the editing process, however you might think "why did this asshole upload this boring crap to Youtube???

I shall let you know when the video is up. But for now, we're going to start shovelling out the Christmas crap!

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