Chia Pet: How To Successfully Grow One

For quite some time, I've been wanting to grow a Chia Pet. Why? Probably just because everyone else has done it. I tried growing the Christmas Tree one, but all it did was turn into a Christmas Tree covered in crappy dried-out chia seeds. In other words, it didn't work.



This past spring, I decided to try again. I bought myself a cheap Chia pet - the one with the cat head at a thrift store for two bucks. For two bucks, I couldn't go wrong



The official instructions with the Chia Pet are to soak it in water for one hour, or 24 hours, depending on how old the thing is. Since I don't know how old the cat one is and was too lazy to look it up, I soaked it for 48 hours.



Next, instead of using the Chia seeds that didn't grow, I picked a bunch of Dandelion seeds. If there's anything you shouldn't be able to screw up, it's growing Dandelions.



I grabbed some dirt from the garden, added water, and mixed the Dandelion seeds into the mud.



Afterwards, I slopped it onto the cat's body. Some leftover fell off, so it looks like the cat has taken a runny shit all over the place. Remember, if you're going to do this, do it outside!

After two weeks of caring for my Chia Pet the way I should, absolutely NOTHING grew on it. I was quite disappointed, and I left the goddam thing ouside to rot.










Two months later....






Sometimes, patience is everything!