Sunday, October 27, 2019

Junq Tour 2019: Brandon (MCC)

Three thrift stores, three separate entries. The MCC always provides me with a lot of material. It's like they prepare for my visit by putting as much dog shit as possible onto their shelves.

Sing Along with The Busy Beavers

Look what we have here... A bunch of beavers sticking flutes in their holes. This is obviously a Chipmunks knock-off. Instead of Alvin, we have Igor and two other beavers who's names are not known. They certainly didn't think much about the children when they recorded this thing. The back of the album brags about how good the quality of the vinyl and mastering is. Is that supposed to make up for the fact that this album is shit?

Listen to Home On The Range / Red River Valley / Whoopie Ti Yi Yo
Download the whole thing

The Craddock Kids - Canada

1967 marked the 100th year of confederation in Canada, so everybody decided to make an album about it. On this particular instance, we have a bunch of singing kids who are currently on the verge of retirement or death. I would love to see a "where are they now" special about them.

Apparently the single (which I'm featuring here) has sold a quarter of a million copies. These washed-up kid singers apparently appeared on the Perry Como show, another washed-up singer. The album sales had these kids laughing all the way to the grocery store to get their free candy bar in lieu of royalties. When they became adults, there were no successful music careers to be had so they all got shit-shovelling jobs which crushed all the dreams they ever had.

Listen to Canada

Andy Zachary and Karen - Cheeko, My Pony

It's not often I find an autographed 45. In fact I think this is my first one. This almost sounds like a cheap imitation Mickey & Bunny. It's a cute song. Apparently Andy Zachary and Karen also released a full length album. If I ever find it, you bet I'll post it.

Listen to Cheeko, My Pony

Rebecca Dawn - I Believe

You get a rainbow instead of a sunrise this time. For some reason on the back, there's a picture of a girl named Shianne which I'm assuming is Rebecca's daughter (who performs two songs), but we have no clue what Rebecca looks like.

This time around, you get the other Bette Midler song everyone hates and Rebecca does it absolutely no justice.

Listen to Wind Beneath My Wings

Keath Barrie - Fifty, or So

Oh look! An old man face floating in the sky! Barrie the Baritone graces us with 22 songs that we didn't want to hear, following closely in the footsteps of the more successful Roger Whittaker but without dawning glasses or a cat. Most of these are old songs that time has thankfully forgotten. However, Keath thought it was a good idea to try and lower Roy Orbison's "Blue Bayou" by about four octaves. It sounds terrible. I tried to go to Keath's website which is listed on the inlay, but it's gone. The bandwidth police must have arrested him for internet pollution.

Listen to Blue Bayou

Judy Hiebert - To My Father

It was sealed, and I foolishly decided to let this trash roam free. It's not very good, and there's no effects on Judy's vocals. It was recorded at Century 21 Studios in Winnipeg. The funny thing is I have absolutely no clue where Century 21 is, so I can't go down there and throw this piece of shit CD at the producer's head.

Listen to Grandpa (yes, you get to hear it again)

John Bressler - By Popular Demand

This guy has a pretty cool voice, but there's too much echo on it. He's also a good piano player, but the instrumentation backing him up sounds like trash buried under a pile of grass clippings and dog feces. He actually performs a decent version of Floyd Cramer's "Last Date", but unfortunately his version of Paul Mauriat's "Love is Blue" is buried under the bad instrumentation which plagues this album. Chariots of fire would have been good but the piano is mixed too low. Whoever did the mixing job here needs a swift kick in the ears. John also does a version of The Rose which is another song I'm getting sick of seeing covered.

Listen to Piano Man
Listen to Last Date

Safety Kids - Personal Safety

Putting a judgement on this is difficult for one simple reason... The tape is sticky and doesn't play. This is a curse of certain formulations of magnetic tape from the late 1970s and early 1980s. In my experience, the Reel 2 Reel format is the worst culprit for this. I've never seen this problem on the 8-track format (another victory for 8-tracks!) This tape needs to be baked to eliminate the problem, but I can't be bothered to do it for a bunch of dumb songs about safety. Sticky tape is one of the reasons that there should NOT be a cassette comeback.

I almost successfully pulled one song from it, so you at least get to hear that. The beginning and end of the song are kind of fucked up though.

Listen to Look For a Grandma

Tennessee Ed Derkach - Good Ole Camp Meeting Days

At last, we have an album that completely sucks. Every song on here is like nails on a chalkboard. It's hard to decide what song to feature when they're all terrible. The best part about this tape is the talented lead guitar player, but he simply cannot shine with so much other crap going on.

According to the inlay, Ed was saved at the young age of nine and baptized with the Holy Ghost and fire at age fourteen. What kind of a church sets 14 year old boys on fire? Despite these achievements, Ed never learned to spell his name correctly and did it two different ways on his album cover. Perhaps he never recovered from the trauma of being a roasted marshmallow.

Also according to the inlay, Ed is a full time gospel singer. If I was subjected to this horrible shit every Sunday, I'd probably burn down the church. There must be an abundance of sin in this congregation for God to subject them to this crap.

Feel free to send him some hate mail since he decided to put his address right on the album cover.

Listen to The Healer
Listen to Meeting In The Air

Let's take a cruise through Brandon and visit the next closet of horrors...

1 comment:

Jesse Coffey said...

According to Bing, the Century 21 Studios, which appear to be still in operation, are at 1085 Salter Street in Winnipeg.