Sunday, December 13, 2020

Junq Tour 2020: Virden

We were initially planning on doing the Junq Tour a day later. It's a good thing we didn't or we would have driven through this thing. However, I have a theory that I disrupted the equilibrium of Virden by removing all the shitty albums from their thrift stores and the Gods became very angry.

For this entry, we'll be visiting some of our old friends as well as making new ones. Well, potential friends unless they find this blog. Some of this is scarier than the tornado...

New To You Thrift Store

Arcano Vol.9

After hearing this, I decided I need Volumes 1-8. It's such a lovely mess. Violin, electric guitars, techno beats, all doing cover songs. No vocals to be found anywhere. If you find this amazing, you can head on over to their non-English website and buy a box set of all their albums.

I can't decide if I enjoy this or hate it. Perhaps I'll let you decide for yourself.

Listen to Beat It

Super J

The album cover is a mess, and I'm surprised that someone actually said "Yes! This is a great cover to represent our band!"

Some bands are so lousy that I can comment on every song, but I'll try to narrow this one down to only two. These guys sound like a really bad Red Hot Chili Peppers rip off with Cookie Monster singing at half speed.

I got really excited when I played the beginning of track 5 and heard "Stairway to the Stars" by Blue Oyster Cult. Then Cookie Monster started singing and I realized that this was NOT Blue Oyster Cult. Instead, I got some piece of trash called "Boom Boom", and there wasn't any "out go the lights" either. This band sounds like boom boom.

They also do a song called "Peaches". I was looking forward to hearing either a Stranglers or a Presidents of the USA cover, but sadly I didn't get that either. This song is terrible.

Listen to Boom Boom (the Stairway to the Stars rip off)

Listen to Peaches

It's All Good Thrift Store

Bill Wells - Latin Romance

Looks like Bill has a bit of a garden exploding out of the neck of his guitar. He can pluck strings and pedals at the same time!

In the liner notes, it lists the Misical Director as George Staerkel! This is good news for two reasons. First of all, a Misical Director is someone who completely misses the point of their direction. Second, I've reviewed a couple of George Staerkel's albums, and the quality of this one is about on par.

The liner notes also say that these are "Melodies of passion, longing and the eternal quest for love". Well, I don't love this album, so perhaps I need to look elsewhere for my passion and stuff.

Listen to It's Now or Never

Rosa Second Time Around Thrift Store

Lorraine Vickery - Oh King Of Hearts

Lorraine had the picture on her album cover squashed horizonally because she didn't want to look fat. Instead, she just looks like a talentless album cover artist.

This isn't the worst music I've ever heard, but the songs aren't very interesting. There's no other credits on this album, so I'm assuming that she plays all the instruments herself. The only thing she really sucks at is getting the audio the same level on all the tracks. I'm now permanently deaf thanks to tracks 7 and 10. I will be asking Lorraine to cover the cost of my hearing aid.

Listen to Jesus Mon Ami

Colby Nargang - Free From The Pain

I was thrilled to find another Colby Nargang CD. Too bad it has only one song and it's about his dead grandmother. It looks like he quit singing Elvis and Roy Orbison songs which I'm very thankful for because he did a terrible job at those. This song is 100% better than his Elvis & Roy album which I reviewed here. I would encourage Colby to write more originals, but to accomplish that he'd probably need to have more dead grandmothers.

Listen to Free From The Pain

Smilin' Johnnie and Eleanor Dahl - Understandable Country Vol. 1 & 3

Remember Smiling Johnnie? I covered one of his records last year. It's nice to see that Johnnie's wife hasn't left his bitter old ass.

On the "Watching Our Country Die" album, Johnnie give us a very dismal outlook for our world. Now here we are, decades later and the country is still very much alive but Johnnie won't give it up. He's STILL telling us how this country is dying. Give it up, Johnnie. You're going to die before the country does.

Check out the artwork for Volume 3. What the hell did they get an award for? It sure as hell wasn't photoshop. Were they that unhappy with the location of the award ceremony that they had to cut their picture out and glue it on the background of what looks to be a funeral? What the hell is going on here?

Personally, I don't understand this country music. The vocals are mixed a bit too low and Johnnie has that drunken country slur going on. Volume 2 wasn't at the thrift store, so I guess I should count myself as lucky.

Listen to In This Dyin' World (It's Hard To Stay Alive)

Welcome Back Friend / Manitoba

This was released by the ever-popular Franklin records!

We have another version of the Manitoba theme song! I haven't met a single Manitoban who knows this song. I've posted multiple versions of this song, so feel free to go and listen to the one here. I guess after Manitoba's Centennial year was over, the song got thrown in the trash.

The Bookers combo performs "Welcome Back Friend" which is the theme song for the town of Portage La Prairie. I didn't know they had a song either, but I shouldn't be surprised since the city of Brandon has one. There's quite a bit of crime in Portage La Prairie, so I wouldn't exactly call the place "welcoming". Perhaps someone could make a music video for this featuring crime scene footage from Portage.

Listen to Welcome Back Friend

Hermann Schreiber - Easy Listening Melodies on the Zither

It would be easier listening to a zither being smashed than listening to this cassette. Either it sounds like it's full of mistakes, or perhaps I just don't completely understand zither music. You get all the hits on here such as "He'll Have to Go", "On Top of Old Smokey", "Release Me", "Making Believe", and a bunch of others I couldn't be bothered to hear on the zither. Also, why would anybody want to become a professional zitherist?

Listen to Green Green Grass of Home

Gerri Finnson - Gerri Sings

I wish Gerri would stop singing and shut the fuck up. She looks like an escapee from a Personal Care Home loaded with COVID-19 cases. I'm pretty sure her singing would scare the pandemic away from infecting her. I'm surprised my tape deck didn't eat this thing out of protest.

This album was recorded in Riverton, Manitoba. Where the hell would they put a recording studio in Riverton? At the gas station? There's barely anything there! Anyway, I only know one of these songs, but that's enough to tip me off that she does terrible versions of the other ones. So here's Gerri's impression of Elvis for you to not enjoy.

Listen to Can't Help Falling In Love

Gerry Goertzen and the Blue Fiddle Band - Old Tyme Music

Did we really need another untalented Gerry? Ugh....

One tape is "all waltz" and one tape is "assorted tunes". One sounds like mud and one is so clear it hurts my ears. Both could have been recorded onto a 60 minute tape to save the customer (me) some money. I don't know what that electronic fuzzy noise is, but it's the worst sound I've ever head in music. I don't know most of these songs, but I sure know "Me and Bobby McGee", and it's pretty bad. It sounds Gerry hooked up his balls to 120 volts and farted out the rhythm section.

Listen to Bobby McGee

Musical Expressions - Angels Unaware

Maybe the angels should be aware that this album exists so they can destroy these people for recording such unlistenable trash. This album consists of bad yodelling, horrible singing, scratchy violins, and a saxophone that sounds like it was run over by a Honda Civic. A bad taco bell bathroom experience sounds better than this noise.

I reviewed their Christmas album here, but I don't remember it being nearly as bad as this pile of flaming dog shit.

Listen to After All

Listen to My Special Angel

Download The Whole Mess

And that concludes our Junq Tour for this year. Or does it? Do I have a little something extra? You bet I do! It'll be up in a couple of days.

1 comment:

Smalltown Spook said...

Thanks for writing tthis